


"you're on in five, boys."

by losestelia



Series: you're on [2]
Category: ONF (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rating May Change, being an idol is hard pt.2, it's just the vibes, minor ulaun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:54:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23210548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/losestelia/pseuds/losestelia
Summary: countdown to a new beginning.
Relationships: Kim Hyojin/Lee Seungjoon | J-Us, Lee Changyoon | E-Tion/Park Minkyun | MK, Mizuguchi Yuto | U/Shim Jaeyoung | Wyatt
Series: you're on [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1412482
Comments: 2
Kudos: 35





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

> honestly, i've been debating whether to post this fic at all after minseok left. whether i should be writing him into my stories anymore or just completely act like he was never there- and it all didn't sit well with me.  
> so i have completely rewritten this sequel from what it was last summer and tried to finish what i started(for once) but with the 6 of them. and to avoid loose ends i've written minseok a short prologue that caps his story line off. if you don't feel up to reading this part i understand- i'll post the new updated sequel very soon.
> 
> on a lighter note!! this is my 30th fic posted to the onf tag *confetti noises*  
> enjoy

**7**

minseok doesn’t know where he’s going but he doesn’t stop running until the yelling and the bass are duller. theres a voice in his head telling him to keep going past the security and the parking lot but a much louder present voice is calling his name from somewhere behind him. 

it sounds like seungjoon. 

a primal instinct makes him stop where he’s standing and hang his head like a very slow and guilty bank robber. 

he turns waiting to see seungjoon’s annoyed or frustrated face but he’s met with concern. with the soft parental presence that seungjoon only really shows him. it’s a relief, minseok doesn’t know if he could take another lecture from someone he loves. 

“minseok whats wrong? you look sick, are you sick?” seungjoon’s warm fingers press against his forehead and he leans into them like a cat into their owners hand. he won’t admit he likes when seungjoon worries like this, when seungjoon would do anything for him in a second if he asked. he reminds him of his mom. treating him like his only precious child, like he was worth more to her than diamonds or gold.

“no, not sick.” his voice is still cracking with the tears in his throat. seungjoon’s hand slides from his forehead to his shoulder where it squeezes. minseok knows that squeeze, that squeeze is a question. it’s asking him if he has anything he wants to say. anything he wants to unload off his weak shoulders onto seungjoon’s surprisingly strong ones. 

he answers with the tears that have gathered in his eyes on their own. 

“it’s a long story hyung,” he chokes, letting his head hang, “and also an incredibly short one.” 

seungjoon wipes his red cheeks with his sleeve, “tell me the long version later, we only have a few minutes anyway.” 

minseok shakes his head because, what else is he supposed to do? tell seungjoon he’s in love with yuto, tell him all the things yuto told him?

ask him why he thinks he did those things with jaeyoung?

the warmth in his chest shifts to hurt, the same hollow feeling of before. seungjoon’s presence doesn't feel like his mothers anymore, it feels like an intrusion. 

“do you think i’m with jaeyoung?” he flicks seungjoon’s hand away and it hangs in midair for a second before being pulled back to seungjoon’s chest. 

“in what way- what way do you mean minseok?” 

“i’m asking you if you think i’m _with_ him.” seungjoon closes his eyes and sighs

“is this what all of this is about-”  
“do you think i do things with him hyung, that’s what this is about. about you not only telling people i do things with jaeyoung, but possibly believing it yourself. that’s what this is about hyung. _this_ is why i’m upset.” his voice starts to rise so much it hurts his throat and managers peek out of tents to see what was going on. minseok stares back down at his feet, feeling the heat of the stares and the judgement. he briefly wonders what they think, if they understand.

seungjoon clicks his tongue. 

“minseok what you do in your own time isn’t my business.”

minseok snaps his head up, his blood boiling over and threating to spill out of his own throat.

“ _however_ i can’t say i’m innocent of speculation. you and jaeyoung have always been closer than the rest of us and after you fought during mixnine we thought you guys would never figure things out.” minseok feels dizzy, this sounds like an explanation but it’s raising more questions than answers.

“what-”

“ _just let me finish_.” seungjoon’s big eyes look cloudy- not with tears, just like theres a storm brewing behind them. minseok doesn’t say anything else. 

“and when you and jaeyoung seemed closer than ever when all was said and done, everyone was relieved. except one of us.” seungjoon sighs impatiently, “i know you like yuto, okay?” 

minseok blinks, “w-what does yuto have to do with this?” 

seungjoon mirrors his confusion, “yuto likes jaeyoung, minseok. he has since mixnine and he’s not the most subtle. when you go to jaeyoung’s room you should see how he- whatever, i told him you and jaeyoung were together so maybe he would let it go. i didn’t mean for you to find out.”

seungjoon says it so matter of factly. 

like he was telling him something everyone already knew, like he was the last one to know. 

“yuto likes jaeyoung.” he just says it so see how their names sound together, he tests it out on his tongue and tries to decide if he likes it.

he doesn’t. 

“minseok-” when seungjoon’s eyes connect the rest of his sentence dies in his mouth. he doesn’t know how bad he looks on a scale of one to ten. he guesses a solid six from the way seungjoon starts to move toward him and pull him in. 

seungjoon is taller, by even more with the lifts in both of their shoes being unequal so minseok collides with his shoulder. his shoulder smells like expensive cologne and cheap deodorant with the plasticy scent their stages clothes give off mixed in. 

“i’m guessing you didn’t know that.” seungjoon whispers into his hair. 

“no, i didn’t.”

“i’m sorry.”

minseok exhales a weak laugh, “whats that worth?” 

“you’re right,” he pulls away and inspects minseok for a second, “go get your make-up fixed and stretch out a bit more, you can talk to me when we get home.”

minseok nods and tries to focus on the music and the fans and the dance-

“will you be okay?” seungjoon's voice is so sweet, like when his mom asks him what he wants for dinner. around seungjoon he always feels like he he’s being cared for.

“i have to be.” is all he can say without completely lying. it’s intentionally vague but positive enough so seungjoon doesn’t worry too much. seungjoon doesn’t look satisfied with the answer but lets minseok pass him anyway, walking blindly towards the lights of the stage piercing the dark and hiding the stars. he can see jaeyoung’s outline looking out at the stage and yuto standing behind him with his hand held out like he’s about to tap jaeyoung on the shoulder. minseok can’t possibly fathom what yuto would be thinking at that moment, what his intentions are or how he’s feeling.

or maybe he knows exactly how he’s feeling. 

he thinks that's worse.

“you’re on in five, boys.”

  
_i have to be_

_i'm running out of_ _time_


	2. 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can you tell i'm working my way through my unfinished works lately? well, i am!! I'm trying to get these bad boys wrapped up and not leave you all in suspense too long *cough* a year *cough*  
> yuto chapter tiimmmeeee~~  
> for this chapter i really recommend reading the first part of this series otherwise you'll be like @__@ at how rando this seems ~otherwise~ 
> 
> enjoy!!  
> (this is set during the 'go live' showcase btw)

**6**

"you're on in five, boys." 

it echoes from somewhere down the hallway. he should be sitting with the rest of the group by now, he should be getting last-minute touch-ups and praying to god for a good performance. his mic is set up and he can feel his muscles loosening which is a little annoying since he just did a few pushups to make his arms look less like shoelaces. he's sitting on the couch of an abandoned dressing room. yuto is with minkyun.

the mirror lights still buzzing like the buzz that's settled in his bones now. he's sitting in his lap, leaning into his warm chest, head lolling onto his shoulder. he wants to move but can’t bring himself to do anything other than try to melt he and minkyun’s skin together.

he wonders where he went wrong.

8 months ago everything felt like it was building to something. yuto thought that ‘something’ was success and happiness and maybe romance if he was lucky. he thought his moments of hard work and banging his head into the wall in frustration would make something- anything. his relationship with jaeyoung was a nightmare. jaeyoungs always been a terrible realist- you wish he would show a true desire in something. or maybe that’s just with him.

then it happened. 

what yuto wanted childishly felt like an afterthought- a waste of energy. he worked himself into the ground and was grateful for it. because it served as a distraction from all the concerned looks from the staff and knowing smiles from their seniors. no, he keeps his head down and works. 

_ keep your head down and work. _

he didn’t have time to hopelessly yearn for someone that saw him as nothing more than a kid brother at best. the group had grown closer by formality, constantly changing roommates to force a bond. he didn’t even bother putting posters up or really organizing his stuffed animals until he finally roomed with jaeyoung. it was torture at first. he always fell asleep with his phone on and came into the room from a work out smelling like deodorant and that clean-unclean smell that hotel room pillows have. and he can almost take it, nearly bear it, until he runs into jaeyoung one night when neither of them should've been up. he lets jaeyoung hold his waist against the cold insulated plastic of the fridge. kissing him is so stupidly perfect he doesn’t even care that his ass is basically frozen by the time jaeyoung whispers a breathless, “thank you.” and walks back to their room. he sleeps on the couch that night, and by sleep, he means stares at the ceiling breathing way too heavy to be considered normal. he should've seen it coming when he whispered that ‘thank you’ but he really didn’t want to.

he just wanted to do it.

again. 

and again.

jaeyoung had a body he knew well. one that he’d watched intently just because it was beautiful. he’d dreamed of sculpting his subtle dips and lines into clay to hold forever- to feel for eternity. it always feels like jaeyoung is just letting him have his way, allowing him to take what he wants and sitting back and watching. like he’s not there with him, he’s just giving himself up to be examined. 

and yuto thought that he could understand that. just wanting to be looked at but not too deeply, held but not too close. but after a while of wading through his feelings like a cold swimming pool- he got comfortable in them. he was warm in his ice bucket mind, this new territory of what he prays isn’t love. 

in the cold air of their not-empty-enough-for-this-to-be-logical dorm, he presses into jaeyoung with persistence- with confidence in himself. 

there was no space between them now. it felt like his skin was full of lava and his stomach was piled with rocks. yuto himself a volcano just seconds away from letting everything go. they were so close, so close and it was so hot, he worried his heart might burst. other parts of him were already well on their way. 

yuto wasn’t normal- he never felt like he was normal. 

his fantasies about this moment never made sense, his dramatization of the heat they’re sharing didn’t follow the normal progression. he wanted to kiss jaeyoung but he didn’t want to ask for it. he wanted to touch every inch of jaeyoung’s body but he couldn’t bear to look at him. he wanted to feel the thick, heady attraction that surrounds them but he still wanted control. 

control seemed like a big joke right now. 

he’d charged in head-first without a plan, but it was okay. yuto tried to get a deep breath, but it was hard to do while kissing jaeyoung and he needed to keep kissing him. he needed the comfort and familiarity of every square inch of his mouth. he was feeling everything more intensely than he ever had. 

jaeyoung pulls back taking a deep breath, slowing the thrumming frantic rhythm they’d been kissing at. yuto squeezes his eyes shut. he can bear it- to look. at whatever face jaeyoung is making, that understanding look, the kind one, the look-at-this-cute-kid look. for a little longer he wants to pretend he and jaeyoung are together. that this isn’t his hollow consolation prize from a lonely friend. he wants it all so badly to be true.

“yuto maybe we should stop.” his voice is so rough, graveled, cracked, unstable. yuto has this kind of power- and he can’t even understand it. 

“no i’m okay.” it’s unconvincing. 

“i’m sure you are but we’re heading in a very-” 

“i said i wanted you to follow my lead right?”

jaeyoung sighs, “yuto-”

“if you want to stop we can stop i just-” he counts to three in his head and then opens his eyes. jaeyoungs leaning back into the still perfectly made bed, hair sitting perfectly on his head like an anime characters- it’s infuriating. he’s blushing, hard, and down to his bones. his plump lips red from yuto messing with them. his ego is so inflated he feels like he’ll fly away- he did this to jaeyoung. and this is as far as he can take it.

because he’s in love with jaeyoung. 

he can feel it in the way his heart keeps hiccuping to life and dying, how his head feels like it’s filled with underdeveloped jello. it’s not just being lonely. not simply taking advantage of a useful situation and living out his fantasies. he can’t be that detached- he can try, but he’ll fail.

he’s failed. 

“i need to know if this is just about getting off.”

jaeyoung softens a bit, squinting, “yuto-”

he knows he’s about to make a pretty big mistake, about to screw himself over for eternity by being honest. 

_ god, why does he have to be honest...  _

“i love you. as something more than physical i guess- i don’t know as  _ what _ but it’s more.”

he feels mature.

and very  _ very _ stupid. 

“okay.” the words take tweezers to his heartstrings, tugging each and every one of them out of place and tangled. he holds his anger in his throat until it turns into tears. 

“okay?”

“yeah, i mean even if you love me what can we do about it?” 

yuto leans back now, trying to get as far away from that look on jaeyoung’s face as he can, “excuse me?”

“i mean what do  _ you _ wanna do about it? go head to company and tell them we’re dating, fill out a mountain of paperwork and alert the presses? what do you think is gonna happen after this moment, yuto? have you thought about that?” he looks out of breath and not in the way he did before like he’s hyperventilating and getting claustrophobic. so yuto gets off, gets away- halfway across the room until his back is against the small little shelf full of toners and cologne. shelves full of things jaeyoung’s organized and put away and yutos carelessly thrown into place. he was always more prepared, he should’ve seen it.

“of course i don’t want to do something like that i just want-”

“what?” jaeyoung’s anger seeps into his lungs from across the air.

“ _ i just _ wanted to tell you how i felt. and if you’re so concerned about what we can and can’t do why didn’t you stop before?” 

“yuto look it’s-”

“you had so many opportunities to tell me how you really felt, like  _ hundreds _ and you wait for the second i want to be honest with you? you’re such a- you know what you are?” yuto doesn't have a word to put at the end of his sentence, he has no words at all. just tears choking up his throat and his face collapsing under the weight of it all.

“yuto." his name sounds sad now- coming from him. yuto would’ve  _ killed _ for that slightest bit of acknowledgment but now- he wanted nothing to do with it. 

“you  _ suck _ .”

the bedroom door flings open. 

it’s minkyun. he looks like he knew what he was walking into, not a hint of shock or confusion or possibly disgust. 

“both of you stop. now.” he turns to yuto like just the sight of him twisted a knife in his stomach, “are you alright?”

jaeyoung sits up running a couple of quick swipes through his hair, “minkyun this isn’t your problem-”

“shove it, jaeyoung.” 

“‘shove it’? what are you, twelve?” 

“you wish, then i’d  _ finally _ be your type.”

jaeyoung’s fist moves too fast for him to take a second to think before jumping in front of it. it hits him hard at his temples, leaves his brain rattling slightly as the blow vibrates through his bones. he yelps even when he means to just stand and take it. his eyes sting a bit as the pain settles from raw shock to a deep burning sear at his flesh. it knocks all the tears out of his eyes and onto the floor.

“yuto i’m-” 

“ _ back off. _ you yelled at him and hit him in the fucking skull take a  _ step back _ .” minkyun sounds like he’s kidding but a protective arm comes around his shoulders with a strong grip- he’s very much serious. his vision is blurry but when he looks up jaeyoung is a wide moving blob shoving stuff into a bag. he’s leaving. 

“yuto?” minkyun gets his attention and then leads him out of the room, “go sit on my bed, i’ll be in in a sec.” 

he stumbles to the next door over and climbs the little ladder to minkyun bed. it’s warm up there, a little too warm but he still curls into minkyun’s pillows and clutches the side of his head checking for blood. 

there is none. 

just the ringing inside his own head. it’s literally all in his head. 

he’s not sure what just happened but he knows he doesn’t want to see jaeyoung again for a long time. he wasn't wrong about anything, in fact, he was probably the one talking the most sense at the moment. yuto just would've liked a fairytale for a little longer. where he and jaeyoung could hold and touch each other forever and say ‘i love you’ without there being a question of if those words really mean anything. they don't date- they can’t. dating each other definitely isn’t an exception to the rule. and that’s  _ if _ jaeyoung even wanted to date him to begin with. 

he’s so stupid. 

his pain lulls him to sleep before minkyun gets back. when he wakes up his head is on minkyun’s chest, he's wearing more clothes than he remembers, and there’s a cooling pad taped to his temple making his face numb. there’s no sign of jaeyoung for the next couple days and minkyun makes up a concerningly good lie about why yuto’s face has now blossomed a big purple bruise. 

he sleeps in minkyun’s bed most nights. he’s gotten used to the stale heat that comes with the top bunk and another breathing body beside him. minkyun is so big and warm and uncharacteristically silent- like an oversized teddy bear or an understanding housecat, one that curls up at your feet when it hears you crying. 

yuto cries a lot these days. 

mostly out of shame. mostly out of loneliness. minkyun seems like the cure to all those feelings. he follows him like a lost child, clinging at minkyun’s side like he’d die if he got too far. he doesn't have feelings for minkyun- no, this was different than that. he doesn’t know why it always seems different than it should be- even with jaeyoung. it could never be just one thing it had to be million at once.

it’s funny how yuto can never explain exactly  _ how  _ it’s different.

it’s like when minkyun’s not there the world starts collapsing, his heart starts racing so hard he could die. the walls start closing in tighter and tighter. 

then, just- sunshine. 

a warm and helpful friend. 

no one worries too much about his recent taking to minkyun, mostly everyone’s happy they don’t have to see him make eyes at jaeyoung from across the room. they do worry however when yuto starts to follow minkyun into the shower. 

around the 3rd time seungjoon stops him at the doorway to the bathroom. 

“whatever you’re doing i have a feeling you should stop.” it’s vaguely threatening advice while not really being advice at all. 

“i’m fine, hyung.” he knows that’s what seungjoon doesn’t want to hear but it’s one of the only things he thinks he’d listen to at the moment. when it’s strikingly clear that yuto is  _ not _ fine. 

“don’t.” seungjoon grabs his arm like he’ll run off, “i know about jaeyoung. everything. and i’m sure you’re hurting more than i can understand but minkyun-” he squints at yuto, “there’s a lot you don’t know.” 

“ _ do _ you know everything?” his voice cracks so he takes a deep breath before continuing, “i’m not messing around with minkyun, please tell me you know that i just really like his company and you don’t think that we’ve been-” 

seungjoon’s owlish eyes widen to saucers and the tips of his ears dust red, he looks like a cartoon- like steam is gonna come out of his ears next. 

“no  _ no, _ of course not. i just wanted- i mean i didn’t want you to-” 

he puts seungjoon out of his misery and pats him on the shoulder, “thanks for your concern, hyung.” 

jaeyoung has that perpetually apologetic look on his face now, that pitiful puppy look. if seungjoon does know everything then he’s doing a decent job of hiding it. he talks with jaeyoung like everything is normal- takes him out for dinner a couple of times that week. he never expected the members to pick sides but if they had he wanted it to be his. he knows he can’t ignore jaeyoung much longer before it starts to get annoying for everyone else. he’s already pretended he can’t hear jaeyoung when he’s talking directly to him like a fucking toddler. but jaeyoung knows him now, the deepest part of his heart. tasted every last drop of him until he’s crinkled and discarded like a juice box. there aren't secrets between them.

but the more he cries the more he just feels like an open wound. 

that forcing a friendship with jaeyoung will just rub salt in. 

he’d prefer the comically large hello kitty bandage that is minkyun for the moment.

he holds minkyun’s hand every chance he gets at rehearsal- which isn’t often. they keep forgetting the new six-member formations and everyone is too scared to address why. they can never address why. he takes a few pictures when his hair and makeup are done, talks about the dance a bit to the camera that comes by for an ‘on the run’. minkyun takes his hand when the camera passes him, leading him down the hallway. this hallway has so many doors, during their debut showcase he doesn’t remember there being this many doors. 

one of them is cracked open and minkyun ushers him in. 

it’s a small room with two lighted mirrors making the room slightly warmer than the hallway. it makes him calm-  _ calmer _ , he’s never really calm. minkyun pulls him to sit in his lap like he won't crushing him(which he probably will). their clothes are thin silk and he can feel the warm beating of minkyun’s hard. he leans his head back and sighs, he thinks this is the happiest he’s ever been in the last couple months. sitting in a group member’s lap and feeling his heartbeat. it’s been a weird year.

minkyun hugs him closer, burning skin and comforting words, “i want what’s best for you.” 

he scoffs(probably a bit too loud when he’s so close to minkyun’s ear), “and what is that?”

they don’t have enough time for this conversation- for the “what’s best” discussion. 

“for you not to have to wait for anyone, jaeyoung especially, to tell you you’re good enough. to know you just  _ are _ .” he sounds angry and yuto feels like kind of a dick. looking for things to fill his heart with- praise, love, sex -was just a highly ineffective way to feel better. 

mature. 

he was the youngest now. who else was everyone supposed to protect? they clearly had no interest in protecting themselves, he was their one hope. and all he wanted was to get out, to be more than that. when the sole ray of hope of five totally broken men was as much as ‘more’ got. 

“it’s just nice to hear it sometimes.” minkyun laughs bitterly and tucks his head closer, “we should've raised you better.” 

“you raised me fine.”

“no, we raised you to be like us. you’re the strongest out of everyone and we dragged you into our pits of self-pity. yuto you’re so much better than this, better than us-”

“i don’t want to be strong or better than all of you. i just want to be-” yuto inhales the sticky scent of minkyun’s hair and bites down on the word  _ loved. _

“i wanna be mature.” 

“and undressing members of this group is a way to do that?”

“it’s one way.” 

minkyun snorts, “yeah, okay.” 

minkyun hums, arms swinging low on yuto’s hips to bring him closer like they’re slow dancing.

“i’ll be fine.” 

“i know you will.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!! 
> 
> (spooky week is approaching *evil laughter* prepare yourself my dears)

**Author's Note:**

> <3


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